the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
