The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize