I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
do herpes really smell.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
