so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
