I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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