So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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