you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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