I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
