did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
