I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
