Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I came so hard my ears popped.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
