She is in my trunk
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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