I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
