I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
