i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
