If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
