wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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