how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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