guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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