im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
