we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
