Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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