Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
