I'm gonna have a badass scar
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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