i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I licked your asshole in confidence.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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