I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize