she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i believe in u and ur pee
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
