just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
