My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
