planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
