Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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