I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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