it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
