the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
