My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
