Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i drank out of a bidet.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
