Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
