We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize