Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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