I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
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I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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