Will you blow on my dice?
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
