I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
