Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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