don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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