If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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