Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
