Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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