I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
