My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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