yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My cat gives me a boner
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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