...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
