I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
