Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk

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(801): View more from Utah

Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired

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(765): View more from Indiana

i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.

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(214): View more from Texas

I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.

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(619): View more from California

When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.

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(702): View more from Nevada

listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on

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