This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
