I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
