I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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