Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
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We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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